Seeing our Parents through God's Eyes

Lenten Devotional Series Day 18. Today’s meditation is on the fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12), “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

A year and a half ago, I lost my mother to breast cancer. Six months after that, my dad was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma. Six weeks ago, his cancer took a serious turn for the worse. Now he too has gone to be with the Lord.

I’m thankful I was able to help care for my dad in his last weeks. However, despite having deep affection for him, I found myself fighting deep anger toward him because of his behavior and our broken past. Losing my mom highlighted serious deficiencies in my relationship with my dad. Because she had been the “good” parent and he hadn’t been, I had poison for him in my heart.

For the last year, God in his providence led me to a job in my dad’s firm. I wanted a different job- honestly I would have preferred more space from him, but God had better plans.  I was kind in our daily interactions, but held onto bitterness toward him in my heart.  The Lord began to challenge me through his word.  I was reading the story of David & Saul, and being taught about the value of honoring God given authority.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down (Prov 14:1).

God showed me that by dishonoring my dad, I was tearing down my house, then crying that it wasn’t a very nice place to live–when really my own rebellious heart was at fault. Even though I didn’t think he deserved it, I asked God to make a way for me to honor my dad’s authority–which I never had.  Shortly after, I began to see tenderness in my Dad’s heart & pursuit of God.  In my story, he was the one who had left and messed everything up. However, for others more recently, my dad was the one who showed up and fixed what was broken. I had been judging him for who he used to be instead of loving him for who he had become.

The truth is that even if my dad hadn’t changed, he was still precious in God’s eyes, and worthy of my honor.  I needed God’s help to see dad as God saw him.  Once I finally “gave God permission” to have mercy on my dad, God brought healing to my heart by showing me he was at work in my dad.  I have learned through this that keeping the fifth commandment isn’t a burden, but a blessing.

The daily circumstances we faced were and are still very painful. Still, this trial has been a catalyst for God to transform my broken family from adversaries to allies. Recently in a tense family discussion, we were all talking over each another when Dad stopped us and said, “We are not here by accident. God brought us this far, and he knows exactly what he’s doing by bringing us to these circumstances, whatever happens to me.”

When he got sick, I only saw it as a problem. I never thought that it would be the means of God’s solution. What sweet mercy that God allowed me to let go of my Dad with respect and love, without regret.

God does His work in ways we don’t expect, often through things we would never choose. To the world, it looks like things are falling apart. But from where I stand, I can see that God is redeeming us. He is making all things new. Join me in praising God for this work of renewal in my family today.

Today in prayer, begin with the Collect of the Day (below). Then “give God permission” to have mercy on those who have wronged you. Ask for God’s help in honoring all those in authority over you, especially those whom you believe are undeserving. Ask him to open the eyes of your heart to see where he is at work making all things new. Then finish with the Lord’s Prayer.

The Collect of the Day. Almighty God, you see that we have no power of ourselves to help ourselves: guard us both outwardly in our bodies and inwardly in our souls; that we may be defended from all adversities which may happen to the body, and from all evil thoughts which may assault and hurt the soul, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.