Cultivating the Art of Christian Friendship

Lenten Devotional Series Day 21. Today’s meditation is on the sixth commandment, “You shall not murder,” found in Exodus 20:13.

The sixth commandment forbids doing any harm to one of God’s image-bearers. But implicit within its prohibition is also the call to do all things necessary to love my neighbor, including to protect and defend her and help her flourish.

Perhaps no virtue better summarizes the duties of the sixth commandment than what St. Augustine called “that most unfathomable of all involvements of the soul – friendship.” Augustine himself was a model friend. One of his biographers says,

Having read the life of this extremely inward-looking man, we suddenly realize, to our surprise, that he has hardly ever been alone. There have always been friends around him… Only a friendship could make him lose “half my soul;” and only yet more friendship would heal this wound. (Peter Brown, Augustine of Hippo, 174)

True Christian friendship is a rewarding act of love, involving time and commitment, openness and vulnerability, trust and faithfulness, prayer and thanksgiving, hospitality and feasting, laughter and joy, tears and heartache. It reaches out not only to those who are friendly to me, nor only to those who are like me, but to my neighbor whoever he might be. It is gentle, patient, forgiving, and kind, but also frank, honest, and challenging. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6). A true friend knows when to be silent and when to speak, when to encourage, and when to rebuke.

In a competitive, lonely, transient city, friendship is one of the greatest gifts the church has to offer.

Ultimately, true friendship risks death in order to give life, for, in the words of the Friend of sinners on the night he was betrayed, “Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends…” (John 15:13-14).

Today in prayer, begin with the Collect of the Day (below), then take time to pray for your friends. Reflect on ways you tend to be strong as a friend, but also ways you tend to fail. Ask God to forgive you and to help you grow in ability and desire to offer genuine Christian friendship. Finish with the Lord’s Prayer.

Collect of the Day. Almighty God, look upon the sincere desires of your humble servants, and stretch out the right hand of your majesty to be our defence against every enemy, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.