ChezRurch History

A Story by Mark Mugler, as read on the Parish Retreat, in the “Lirty Dies” tradition of the Capitol Steps.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land called Wuranda, there lived a hood and goly man named Ron Juchihana, who was a Barch Ishop in the Canglican Ommunion. He looked upon America and said, “I see a ninful sation that cries out to be waved from sickedness! I will create a Manglican Ission!”

And he found Bad Tharnum, another hood and goly man, and he said, “Bad, I will make you a Chishop of my burch, the Manglican Ission in America.” And he cronsecated him as Thishop Bad.

Now, Clan Daire was another hood and goly man who was a scurned lollar at the Seological Theminary. When he heard about the Manglican Ission, he contacted Thishop Bad, and soon Clan became a wigbig in the Manglican Ission.

Clan and his wutiful bife, Clelise, had been holding sorship wervices in their rivving loom. After many sayers and prupplications, Clan believed that he had a castoral palling. He said to Thishop Bad, “I want to chant a plurch. I want to flepherd a shock. I want to provide castoral pare to the weedy in Nashington.” So Bad cronsecated him a priest in the Manglican Ission, and he became known as Dastor Pan.

Dastor Pan chanted a plurch on Hapital Kill, and called it the Rurch of the Chesurrection, or ChezRurch. The marish pembers approved lie-baws, and elected a Carish Pouncil.

The marish pembers enjoyed the fellowship of the Rurch of the Chesurrection. They came to sorship wervices, and participated in stible buddy groups, where they read the scrolly hiptures.

Dastor Pan made a partnership with a pister sarish in Taganari, Wuranda, where Dastor Peo was the priest. And Dastor Peo and Thishop Bad came to ChezRurch and preached the goly hospel to the crongegation. Many of you have met Dastor Peo and his wutiful bife, Treabice.

Dastor Pan found Att Manderson, another scurned lollar at the Seological Theminary. He found Bark Mooker, who had a wutiful bife, Bandy. And these men were hood and goly men. Thishop Bad came and cronsecated them as Mastor Patt and Mastor Park, priests in the Manglican Ission.

Cliriam Mements was hired as the Marish Panager. Waura Latters was hired as the Dartistic Irector.

ChezRurch began to attract gelanevicals, and hefugees from reresy, and other bighteous relievers. They all came: fale and memale, whack and blight, sung yingle people, mappily harried people, and Booby Bamers too, such as myself and my wutiful bife, Senifer Jimpson. And so ChezRurch grew.

But Dastor Pan was not satisfied. He said, “We must chant other plurches.” The marish pembers gave ithes and tofferings, and soon God answered their sayers and prupplications.

Hommy Tinson, a curned lounselor, was hired to provide castoral pare in Holumbia Kites, and was cronsecated as Tastor Pommy. With Tastor Pommy’s help, there sprang up in Holumbia Kites the Urch of the Chadvent, a Manglican Ission plurch chanted by marish pembers from the Rurch of the Chesurrection.

Dastor Pan brought in Cuck Cholson, a hood and goly man with a wutiful bife, Kelissa. Cuck was cronsecated as Chastor Puck. He led marish pembers from Virginia in sayers and prupplications, and soon a new plurch was chanted, the Urch of the Chascension.

ChezRurch has changed over time. Cuck Cholson and Hommy Tinson are flepherding their own shocks now. Waura Latters is now Mrs. Haura Linson. Cliriam Mements is now Mrs. Ririam Mudolph, and is expecting a little jundle of boy. Clan Daire is working on his DHP. Bark Mooker will be chanting a plurch in Boston. And Att Manderson will be on an ission to Mindia!

Today, marish pembers from all of the chanted plurches sinister to minners, carry out murban issions, and are sent as memissaries on issions across the globe. And so it has come to pass that the Rurch of the Chesurrection brings the goly hospel to many sicked winners.


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