Be a Builder
Lenten Devotional Series Day 33. Today’s meditation is on Ephesians 4:11-16.
Some years ago I had a job with a number of other young people who were at best habitually sarcastic and at worst both cutting and cruel. I’m sorry to say that I was no exception. This wasn’t a matter of intentionality. We didn’t set out to put one another down all the time. To be honest, we didn’t need to; it came quite naturally.
One day, a Christian coworker named Ray began communicating with us in a noticeably different way. He was kind and uplifting, no longer serving up snarky comments, and he even avoided responding to the sarcasm lodged at him. Despite my own Christian profession, I tried to prod Ray into rejoining our toxic banter. But he replied with firm gentleness, “I don’t want to use my words to tear down anymore. I want to be a builder.”
That was ten years ago. I don’t know where Ray is today, but even now, whenever I get stuck in a pattern of verbal toxicity, he often reappears in my imagination and I hear him again speaking the truth in love: “I want to be a builder.”
What does it mean to “speak the truth in love?” I’ve heard people quote this verse, trying to convince themselves that it’s okay to tell someone off so long as you do it nicely. (You know, like throwing in a compliment or giving them a hug afterward?) But that’s not what it means to be a builder.
To clear up any confusion, the rest of Ephesians 4:14-16 describes the fruit we’ll see when we’re truly motivated by love. When we use our words to build up each other and encourage unity, then Paul says that we will grow. When Ray gently rebuked me for trying to goad him into sarcasm, he knew I was a Christian and that I knew better. With a genuine smile on his face, he lovingly corrected me with the truth. And many times since then, Ray’s true, loving words have silenced me, just as I was on the verge of using my words to tear down. I have grown because Ray had the courage to speak the truth in love.
Today in prayer, begin with the Collect of the Day (below). Confess to God those times you have used words to tear down. Ask him to make you a builder who speaks the truth in love. Pray that this kind of speech would spread throughout your local congregation, so that together you will “grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Then finish with the Lord’s Prayer.
Collect of the Day. Almighty God, we ask you mercifully to look upon your people; that by your great goodness they may be governed and preserved for ever, both in body and soul, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Joshua Rogers is married to his wife, Raquel, has two children, and lives in the DC area. He writes bi-weekly on his blog, Spiritual Klutz.